The word 'polyamory' comes from the roots 'poly' meaning 'many' and 'amor' meaning 'love'; thus 'many loves' or 'many loving'. It refers to the practice of honest and open ethical non-monogamy. The term was coined in the late 1980s and is credited to Morning Glory Zell.
The most commonly practised forms of multiple relationship are affairs or "cheating", where not all participants are informed and consenting, and swinging, where the emphasis is on recreational sex, and emotional connection is often discouraged. In polyamory the emphasis is more on the emotional connections.
There are as many expressions and configurations of polyamory as there are polyamorists. For some poly people sex is a vital element of their polyamory. For others, sex is less important than deep emotional intimacy.
Some people have a primary relationship which other relationships are not allowed to threaten. Others dislike the idea of enforcing different levels of relationships. Some people practise polyfidelity (sometimes known as 'group marriage') where each person in the polyfidelitous group commits to engaging only with others within the group, and new partners must be approved by everyone within the group. Others embrace the term 'slut' with pride, and freely choose casual or long-term lovers as they wish. (See the glossary for some of the more common configurations and terms.)
Good communication is vital to every successful poly relationship. Along with the delicious freedom to ask yourself "What do I really want?" comes the responsibility to listen to what someone else really wants, and to negotiate workable compromises. If you are contemplating polyamory, be prepared for an intense bout of personal growth! You're likely to be confronted with a number of issues that monogamists rarely face.
It can be a journey of ups, downs, joy, pain, fun, freedom, growth, exhiliration, confrontation, and exploration. It's a rich and exciting life; but be warned, it's not for the faint-hearted. :-)
More reading
As well as the links below, check out some recommeded books.
Wikipedia - entry on polyamory
A long thorough and excellent article on polyamory, covering a wide variety of bases. Read it if you are new to polyamory (or even if you are an old hand). Lots of good links to other poly-related topics in wikipedia.
Polyamory - What it is and what it isn't - from the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality 2003
Derek McCullough and David S. Hall, Ph.D have written an interesting essay, with citations, on polyamory. A good introductory piece covering many bases, including jealousy, nature and poly, the roots of the alleged "sinfulness" of poly, contrast with monogamy, and some useful
reflective questions at the end.
Jealousy - unmasking the green-eyed monster
Incredibly useful article which contains an actual practical technique for desensitising yourself to jealousy (a bit like phobia desensitisation). We've seen this work (though it may not for everyone). The author, Kathy Labriola, is a counsellor in San Francisco with lots of experience working with poly people.
