We suppose we're like all others when it comes to the question of what are we looking for with polyamory.
Do we throw open our marriage for the chance to see how many new dates we can both aquire, or open our hearts and love all the people that come into our circle
After having gone to school together then marrying 2 years after we left, we know that we do truly love and adore each other. When our first child arrived I didn't know if my wife would love me as much now we had our son and would she still have time for us as a couple, these concerns where soon disspelled
We suddenly knew that love has no bounds and that you can and should love all that you feel deserve it, everybody is so much happier when loved
Another thing we have discovered about ourselves, is that sex is great and like love it is here to share, how cool it is receiving and giving hugs, kisses, strokes and tickles and that all over rush with a shared orgasm. In other words we share in each others'.
So we hope poly is a real combining of these two things and our hope is that we won't be dissappointed
we are looking fwd to finding out with your help more on moving into polamory
this is our first step
love to all xx
justus
Where to start? My name is Johoanna and I'm 37 and single. I've had a big "spiritual" awakening this year. I grew up in the Christian church and left just a couple of years ago. For me, leaving was the best thing I ever did. Now I feel free to be me, to be who I was created to be. I still believe in God, but Goddess as well. I've been studying pagan religions this year and feel more connected to Mother Earth than I ever have.
So what's all this got to do with being poly? Well, it means I'm now free to express myself fully and freely. I do believe I am poly. I've only ever been in monogomous relationships. This is a big step for me, even admitting my "polyness". Now, how to meet like-minded people in this town? Orange (NSW) tends live in the 50's when it comes to sexuallity. Is it any wonder I want to leave? I know too many people in this town, most of them are Christian. Being openingly pagan in this town is bad enough (which I'm not, I'm still firmly in the broom closet, only a couple of close friends know). Even now at home I have to be careful. I'm currently sharing with an ex-boyfriend (long story, if you want to know the details please ask otherwise I'll leave them out).
I'm currently planning to move away from Orange. I certainly don't want to go back to Sydney or any other major centre. I'm a country girl and need to be in the country. I feel grounded and at peace with the world out here. I'll be going up to Nimin early next year for a few weeks camping. If I like it I'll stay. If I get any other offers I'll investigate those as well.
What am I looking for in a relationship? I'm actually not sure. Like I said, I'm very new to all this. I know I want to be in a relationship where I'm loved and respected, whether that's with one or more people...who knows? Am I bi or straight? I think you could class me as bi-curious. There. I said it. Now I have to remember that my sexuallity is not a dirty thing like is taught in the church. I am who I am and I need to accept and be proud of that.
Anyway, enough rambling for today.
Well, it's been a while since my last post so it's about time for
an update. We had my potential new partner round for dinner the
other week. However I didn't get around to asking her out - she
was in the middle of a rather nasty incident with her ex. The
topic of relationships did come up however and we told her about our
choice of relationship types.
Luckily, so far, everybody we have come out to have been
supportive of our decision. Some were rather sceptical at first
until we went into how we had setup rules and boundaries and how we
had taken our time coming to this decision. We know that some people
don't have it aas easy as we have. Although having said that,
most of our friends are in their early twenties and so are more
receptive to alternative relationships. I suspect when (if) we
come out to our families, things will be very different. My
wife's side is primarily Catholic Italian so that's going to be
rather difficult. Some of my family are rather religious too so
that should be interesting. Anyway, I think we're staying "In
the Closet" to our families until we have both had a chance to
date a few people to see if it's what we really want. Unless of
course we get caught out on a date or something. That
would be rather awkward.
Till Next Time
Shadow
Well, after dicsussing our boundaries and rules for the opening up
of our 2 year old marriage we are about to take the plunge.
There is a lovely young woman who has had my eye for some time and I
can now do something about it. If I can get the chance to talk
to her, I am going to ask her out tonight.
This is going to be difficult. She is actually a friend of
both myself and my wife - she doesn't know about our open
relationship. Yet. My wife does know how I feel about her
and is OK with me asking her out. So I have a double whammy. I
have to tell her about our open relationship, which always has the
opportunity to turn out badly. If I don't do this, she'll most
likely assume that I am attempting to cheat on my wife. This is
definitely NOT a good thing when you're putting it all out there.
Talking about 'putting it all out there', I also have the age
old dilemma of putting my heart on the line and at her mercy.
If she says "No", I'll be devastated. But now I have
someone who can console me - my lovely caring wife. Something I
never had when I was single all those years ago.
If she says "Yes", then we will have to start dealing
with all the things we have talked about. So far all of our
rules, boundaries and "I am positive I have no issues with you
sleeping with, falling in love with anybody" have been mostly
theoretical. Will we be able to handle it? Have we
set down a framework that is suitable? What about the New
Relationship Energy? Scheduling?
Anyway, the above paragraph might just be purely academic -
there's a chance she will say "No". I always thought
I would be less anxious asking out someone now that we have this open
relationship as I have my wife to come home to. But having the
whole coming out AND asking out in one in go... damn. I'm like
a high school kid asking the hottest girl in the grade if she'd want
to go to the formal with me.
I am hoping she says "Yes", for more than the fact I get
to share some of my life with her. It will give us a chance to
test our open relationship in a relatively safe way. As she is
a friend of both of us, we both know her. We both know where
she is coming from and what she's like. To a certain extent.
Anyway, lets see how we go.
Ciao for now
Shadow
I am not sure if there have been exactly ten prior unexpected twists in our poly life - if fact, if I listed them, there have probably been more than that. But this one was a doozy.
We have apparently raised a unicorn!
A unicorn, in poly terms, is the mythical beast sought by the clueless and hopeful who post intros on the email lists and forums along these lines:
We are a fun-loving couple, she is bi, he is straight, looking for a bi woman to make our family complete. Must love kids and have good sense of humour. (Shopping list of hobbies and interests.) Drivers license preferred.
Yes, our oldest daughter, who is still a teen but all legal and age-of-consenting, is happily bisexual. Not only that, she has just started dating a lovely young 21-year-old couple. They seem much healthier for her than the string of emotionally-stunted teenage boys she has had in her life lately.
In fact, there is only one previous boyfriend that we felt had her best interests at heart, even when it was difficult for him - but unfortunately, even though she converted him from mono to poly, it didn't last. Bad timing more than anything else ... but I digress.
Anyway, just to make this particular twist a double-bunger, this young couple have a two-month-old baby, and our daughter proudly informed me this week that makes me a grandmother.
Aaaaack!
Well, I will give it some time and see if it lasts, of course, before knitting bootees, but I had expected another ten or fifteen years as a MILF before having to deal with grandmotherhood.
Mind you, it's easier for me to deal with it than it is for my 27-year-old partner, who was recently accosted in the kitchen in a pre-coffee state and asked to choose his grandparent name ...
Just came across this in the news this morning:
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/865584/mistresses-entitled-to-family...
It appears as though the law is starting to recognise multiple spouses. Some people in society appear to be heading in the right direction although as stated in the article, it is mostly intended for couples who have separated but not divorced. But it's a move in the right direction.
Ciao
Shadow
Meet the polyamorists - a growing band of people who believe than more lovers equals more love
Author: By Colette Bernhardt
Let's clear up a few things first. This isn't polygamy, where one person (usually male) has numerous spouses who cannot pursue other liaisons themselves. Nor is it swinging or adultery; polyamorists aren't into cheating or one-night wife-swaps. It also differs from the hippie notion of "free love", which was primarily about enjoying sex. And it's a bit more specific than an "open relationship". What polys want ? not so different from the rest of us ? are ongoing, honest, committed relationships. But with several people at once.
View full article here
Thanks to Astarte for pointing me at this story. It's detailed, fair, and covers a variety of family types. Both thumbs up!
Well, when I got married I thought I had finished with all the
hassles of dating. Nope... Now that we're free to date again,
all those things came back. Only now, we're hit twice.
First you get all the usual rejections and disappointments.
You can spend a lot of time investigating in a potential relationship
only to have it rejected for all the old reasons - "I like you
as a friend but...", "You're like a sister/brother to me"
or my persona"favourite" "You're a nice guy/girl
but...". Luckily we now have someone to rely on who we are
romantically involved in that can fall back on for support when
things don't quite go as planned. This certainly softens the
blow.
Secondly, you have the very high possibility that the person who
you have really become attached to being turned off by your choice of
lifestyle. Polyamory is still looked very poorly upon by the
vast majority of society, even those who should know better or claim
they are "open minded" about relationships. The only
real way to avoid this is to only proposition people you know are
into poly - this can be very difficult. The best way would be
to introduce the topic in a non-threatening way in a general
discussion. You don't have to mention that you are in a
polyamorus relationship if the other person appears turned off by
it. You may have "read about it in a paper" or
"overheard someone talking about it in the pub". This
will give you an indication as to where things might head if you
brought up the topic.
Anyway, till next time
Mr Shadow
G'Day,
Just a quick note to anybody who may come across this. My wife
and I are new to open marriage/polyamory. After some recent events where
we both started developing and pursuing our feelings for other people, we
decided that rather than cheat on each other, split up or deny ourselves our
feelings we would give this a go. As it turns out, these people weren't
interested in our approaches. Never mind, plenty more fish in the sea.
We are pondering how to come out and who to come out to.
Obviously, people who we are wanting to bring into the relationship need to
know. My best friends know and so does the person I was interested in (it
wasn't our choice of lifestyle that turned her off btw - she just wasn't into
me 'that way'). Family could be difficult, but it is something we were
aware of before deciding to live an alternative lifestyle. Some conservative
friends could be difficult too. So why did we decide on this alternative
lifestyle? We both have a belief that there is more than one love out
there for any single person.
And like parents who have, and love EQUALLY, multiple children, why
can't we do the same with our loves? Of course, this also has a side
effect for our marriage. While it is still technically possible to cheat
in an open relationship, we don't need to be concerned about it as we know that
if either one of us is going to, or has; slept with someone or gone on dates
with another person we would tell each other. NO more staying up late
wondering where she is and why there are large/suspicious amounts of money
missing from the bank account. I know she'll tell me. This removes
one area of stress in a traditional marriage. How many times have you
heard at the local cafe (or in Hollywood movies) someone complaining to their
friend that (s)he is concerned their partner is cheating on them. I will
know when my wife is 'cheating' with someone... she'll come right out and tell
me. My wife will know when I’m in a bar picking up because I'll tell her
before I go out that if I get the chance, I'll pickup. It's all about
communication.
Neither of us has actually gone the whole nine yards and started a
relationship, or slept with anybody else so we are yet to come across the jealousy
aspect of this relationship. I am a naturally joust person however; I
have no joust feelings about my wife being with someone else either sexually or
emotionally. We have a rule that cannot be broken - the marriage comes
first. Yes, we are one of those people who have a hierarchical
relationship structure. If ever there are any troubles in the marriage or
either one of us is uncomfortable with the others partner/activities, the
secondary relationship gets put on hold. Sounds harsh, but we are not
going to jeopardize our marriage. We love each other far too much.
Anyway, that'll do for now. I have some thoughts and concerns
about public and workplace views on our chosen alternative lifestyle but that
can wait for another time.
Cheers
MrShadow
I came across this only recently, but it fits not only with polyamory, but with my approach to the world and people in general. Thus, I thought as a first blog entry I'd start here, with Namaste:
Namaste
I honour the place in you
that is the same in me.
I honour the place in you
where the whole universe resides.
I honour the place in you
of love, of light, of peace and of truth.
I honour the place in you
that is the same in me.
There is but one
Namaste.
A little about me, I'm female identifying and currently living in Perth. I live with my fiance and his boyfriend and enjoy several lovely connections of various descriptions throughout Australia. Currently I'm a student undertaking a BA in Gender and Cultural Studies, lapping it up and enjoying the 'question everything' nature of the learning. I'm a passionate feminist and speculative fiction fan, avid tea, coffee and wine appreciator, am a fan of various media and love nothing better than getting together with interesting people to converse. For me, polyamory means that I get to live a life I love, that places no limits on what love means or how I celebrate this with myself and others.
