Hi,

I am a 35 year Bi Female, I have a partner who is 40 years Male Hetero. We are open to meeting a bi female of similar age for friendship, fun and love. Our interests include health, nature, computers and music (techno, funk, electro).

We are happy to exchange pics and phone numbers.

 

Hi All,

We're a gay couple and we're looking for a single guy who's considering becoming a 3rd member of a relationship.

We love the idea of being sexual with someone we've got familiar with, and gotten to know, and we're facinated to see where emotionally it would lead us.

We know how we both feel about bringing someone INTO our relationship, but we're curious to know how it would be for the single guy....

Drop us a line, or facebook us and lets chat..

facebook - David Tuvok

E mail - mr_tuvok@hotmail.com

Hope we're not breaking any rules by posting our email here.

Cheers all,

For eleven years I lived the socially accepted lifestyle, wife, kids suburbia, two cars, day care, and work. Last year it all turned to shit with the breakdown of a union, marriage, what I thought was the way I was meant to live my life. It was some of the darkest times in my life. What I didn't realise then was how much of myself I kept locked away from myself, my then wife and society in general.  I wouldn't say that I had an open marriage but it was kind of the agreement of "don't ask if you don't want to know". It was this way on both sides. Eventually the deceit took over. There was no trust, eventually the love turned to angst and then jealously as the primary relationships became second to everything and everyone else. Communication ceased and we went our separate ways.

With the end of marriage I was given the opportunity to really be truthful to myself. To reflect on who I am and what my social, sexual and relationship needs are. So far I'm doing pretty well. I've worked out that I'm an Alpha Male, a Dominant who is involved with a submissive femal primary partner as well as a secondary female submissive partner. That's the easy part done! The real complication though is that I am also a father to two small children 4 & 5yrs.

 Like any parent, I want to protect my children from all harm physical and social. My partners and I are at the stage where we are considering formalising our 3way relationship sometime in the near future but we want to make sure we are going into this with our eyes wide open.

The relationship that I have now with my two girls are happy and healthy. We discuss everything, talk and talk and when we are sick of it we still talk some more. It is pretty clear that we are all falling in love and wanting to move in the same direction. Perhaps the biggest hurldle we face is how likely is  a poly relationship going to have a negative impact on my children.

I would love to believe that all they need is love. They get plenty of that and they are well adjusted beautiful children. But social beliefs, religious beliefs and people in general can be cruel and unfairly target those that are unable stand up for themselves. It is this that is my primary concern.

Now that you the reader has a little insight into my story I would love to hear from readers who perhaps are living a poly relationship with children and how it has impacted them. I am particulary interested in anyone who has children around the age of mine and their experiences and words of wisdom.

Hello everyone,

We are a happy gay couple who liked to play with the occaisional visitor... up until we were asked if we were open to a 3 way relationship.

We'd never even considered it as a possibility before, we were happy to play together, but honestly we were starting to get over it, and hoping we would find a really nice guy that was compatable with us that we could hook up with from time to time.

Following the suggestion of a 3 way relationship we were initially totally confronted, this led us to find out more about the lifestyle and what it meant to us and our relationship.

As I am sure many of you reading this would have found for themselves, the very fact we were having a conversation about this has led to a deeper understanding of each other, it has deepened our intimacy and made us feel even more safe and vulnerable with each other.

Nothing seems to have developed from our last 'visitor' other than our conversation and us joining this group, but we're keen to meet other like minded guys to explore our emotions with, and other like minded individuals for social and discussion.

As someone who always thought himself as "open minded" I have been both surprised and encouraged by the fact that we have found a whole new world to explore, and a new way of loving.

Cheers.

Well, here we are with another update.  My wife and I have been talking and we are both happy with our decision some months on from choosing a poly lifestyle.  And something very unexpected has happened.  My wife has befriended what is commonly known in open relationship circles as a 'Unicorn' - a hot, single female looking for a couple to play with/share their love with.  I don't think my wife will be interested in her, she's still trying to get over her other

What can I say?  I'm no Cleo Bachelor of the Year and have never, until the past few weeks, had the pleasure of being pursued by someone as beautiful (and downright sexy) as this person.  It's taken me a good few weeks just too deflate my head enough just to be able to get out of my home!  We've exchanged photos but have yet to meet.  She should be coming around fairly soon and we'll see if there's an emotional connection there too (fingers crossed).

At the very least, I should get to sleep with her at least once and this will be the very first test of our open relationship at least as far as sex is concerened.  Hopefully though we'll get at least a friendship out of this if not an ongoing relationship.  Prior to this, it has all been one-sided desires for other people.  How will we both react when it's actually done?  Will I be able to go through with it?  Will everything change afterwards?  It will never be the same but will it change for the better? Worse? 

Either way, I feel it is time to test this out and see if we really are up to an open relationship.  As I said earlier, even if we end up with just a friendship and nothing more, we would have put out relationship to it's first true test.  I'll keep you posted!

 

Ciao

Shadow

Hi,

 

My partner and I have been working towards changing our Mono relationship into a Poly relationship for the last 3 years. Moving from Amsterdam to Rockingham (WA) on my own but maintaining the long distance relationship finalized that process. We both have had partners outside our relationship in the last year.

 

Last December I was in Holland for a holiday and met the (then) partner of my girlfriend. After I flew back to Australia he broke up with her because it was to complicated for him. Last month my girlfriend was visiting me in Australia and met my (then) partner here. She broke up with me after meeting my girlfriend the day she flew back to Holland.

 

Although me and my girlfriend have been open and honest to our new/extra/second partners about the arrangements we have, its obviously still very hard to actually cope with the situation when confronted.

 

Maybe I should forget trying to find someone who is not Poly, or at least accustomed to having an open relationship. Its just so painful to have a relationship ended while the love is still there.

 

I am interested in the experience of others, how have you met your Poly partners?

 

Also open to become friends with people around Perth!

 

Iwan.

 

I am a 36 year old woman, single, and searching for a m/f couple or a m/f/f triad to share a loving relationship with. I would much prefer a live in situation, as I long for that every day closeness and to be part of a family. I have no preconceived ideas of what the couple should be like, although, I would like someone around my age or a little older. Must be very down to earth. If anyone would be interested in getting to know me, feel free to contact me. Take care, K x

I am referring back to MrShadow's last post here and wondering about the use of the term sexual love.

I have long held to the point of view that although sex is an integral part of any loving relationship, sex itself is a physical side to what is an emotional response.

Many people (men especially) are quite at ease with having casual sex with partners they have no real feeling for. I don't see how this kind of interaction can be referred to as love. A more appropriate term would seem to be lust.

Perhaps I am simply too conservative in nature but I just don't understand sex without deep emotional love. Even when I entered into my current triad relationship I had to get used to the idea of being physically intimate with someone who was not my wife. It took quite a while before I could do so, even though there was already a strong emotional bond between us.

The term soul mates is bandied around a lot but I honestly believe I have found soul mates in both the women I love. They were initially the same life force as they come from just one sperm and one egg that split in two after a week or so. Perhaps that explains why things worked out the way they did for us but one thing I have found out is that nothing in the world compares to the experience of love that comes from the soul. Everything in life is so much better when you find this kind of relationship. The fact that I was lucky enough to find and marry one woman who I could share this with is amazing enough but now finding a second partner who I share the same bond with is almost like living in a fairy tale.

What does it mean to be 'Poly'? and other stuff.

I think there needs to be a clear definition of what it means to be polyamorus or to come up with specific terms for varying types of poly relationships. Of course the word itself means 'many loves' but it is too vague and broad in scope. As Mr Shadow so correctly pointed out there are many types of love and many people you can love at the same time, wife, girlfriend, mother, father, brother sister etc.

While I have no objection to any form of relationship among consenting adults as long as there is no harm done to anyone, I find myself reluctant to be placed in the same category as those who choose the swinging lifestyle.

I guess my own circumstances are, if not unique, at least highly unusual. I had been a faithful monogamous husband for 27 years when I was confronted with a brand new partner (my wife's identical twin) who I fell in love with and who needed rescuing from a horrible marriage. We all ended up deciding that the only real option available was to live together as a threesome but with clearly defined guidelines on how to conduct our lives.

Obviously as the girls are twins we have had to find a way to deal with sexual issues so that no one feels awkward or uncomfortable. In the beginning we did try varying methods (including 3 in a bed) but found this wasn't the way we wanted to continue. The way it has worked out has become like two 'man and wife' partnerships under one roof but with the obvious difference that there is only one man.

We don't feel comfortable being lumped into the same category as those who chose the swinging lifestyle as our relationship, albeit a triad, is faithfull and committed. Swinging may be fine for those who wish to take on that lifestyle but it is one of the more extreme 'poly' lifestyles and it is regarded by mainstream society as very radical.

Personally I wonder why some people feel the need for a lifestyle that, at least on the surface, seems to be more about physical interaction than emotional bonding. To me casual sex is quite unthinkable as I feel physical pleasure without long term emotional bonding is rather hollow.

My perception of swinging relationships is that there is little or no long term commitment and without long term commitment, society at large cannot be expected to take these relationships seriously. In a long term loving and commited poly relationship you tend to put your partners needs before yours and a great depth of maturity is required from everyone involved. Although the sexual side of any adult relationship is important, it is the emotional bond that holds people together for life.

They way we look on 'poly' relationships is that the partners are committed to each other for the long haul. I think swingers lack that long term view and people come and go all the time. Although I have no problem with swingers wanting to be involved in the poly world I would still like to see a clear definition between that lifestyle and serious lifetime commitment. If these kinds of definitions are not made then main stream society will never take committed multiple relationships seriously.

Ok, I expect I am going to cop it for saying that but everyone has their own opinions and those are mine.

On to other things:

As my second partner and I have now passed the first anniversary of living as husband and wife we are regarded by Australian law being in a de-facto marriage. The fact that my first partner is still married to me and still living with me tends to complicate things as the law doesn't take account of that possibility. I did find the following legal advice on de-facto relationships:

"What is a de facto relationship?

Under section 13A of the Interpretation Act (1984), a de facto relationship is defined as “a relationship (other than a legal marriage) between 2 persons who live together in a marriage-like relationship”.

In deciding what constitute a “marriage-like relationship”, the Court may look at the following factors:-

the length of the relationship between the parties;
whether the parties have lived in the same residence;
the nature and extent of common residence;
whether there is, or has been, a sexual relationship between them;
the degree of financial dependence or interdependence, and any arrangements for financial support, between them;
the ownership, use and acquisition of their property (including property they own individually);
the degree of mutual commitment by them to a shared life;
whether they care for and support children; and
the reputation and public aspects, of the relationship between them (ie. how their relationship is perceived by others, do their friends and family see them as being a couple?).

It does not matter whether it is a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, or whether either of the partners is legally married to someone else or in another de facto relationship."

Quoted from a document by Butlers Barristers & Solicitors. (www.butlers.com.au)

This clearly states that it does not matter if either partner in a defacto relationship is still legally married to someone else. Of course the law does not expect partners in the defacto relationship to still be living with their legal partner but I suspect that if this is ever tested the law will have to hold that both the legal marriage and the defacto marriage are valid.

Defacto as defined by one dictonary means: 'Existing in fact whether with lawful authority or not.'

Ok, based on the fact that the law now regards both my relationships as valid how do things stack up agains tthe usual criticisms of a poly relationship.

Are we unfaithful? A dictionary definition of unfaithful states 'Having sexual relations with someone other than your husband or wife, or your boyfriend or girlfriend.' well in law both the girls are now legally in a husband and wife relationship with me so I am not being unfaithful.

Am I cheating? Well as we are all fully aware of the relationship and what goes on none of us can be regarded as cheating. As my second partner had already separated from her husband before any intimacy occurred then that definition does not apply to her either. Cheating is actually someting done by many monogamous couples.  As defined by a dictionary to cheat means 'Deprive somebody of something by deceit.' well there is certainly no deceit involved in our relationship.

Is this a polygamous relationship? The dictionary definition actually states 'Someone who is married to two or more people at the same time' so on the surface my relationship looks similar to polygany but in law it means legally married to two people at the same time. Because a defacto relationship is also legal things get a bit hazy here but the law as written has not actually been broken. (It is a stupid law in any case.)

Ok then, are we in an adulterous relationship? Again we look to the dictionary that states: 'Extramarital sex that wilfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations.'  Since the relationships are both regarded as being in a married state and since there is no interference caused to either relationship this again cannot apply.

None of the common criticizms levelled at poly relationships actually hollds up when tested. Why is it that so many people are disturbed by the thought of a three way relationship?

From what I can see most of the criticizm stems either from religious beliefs, jealousy of just plain ignorance. People can marry many times over, partners can come and go through a lifetime and it is fine for this to happen as long as it happens in sequence and not in parallel.

So many so called  monogamous marriages invole cheating and deceit. Huge numbers of marriages fail for this reason alone. Why is it so unthinkable that three people should have an adult loving and comitted relationship at the same time?

Do people in the mainstream think that it is all about sex? Do they imagine wild orgies and depraved sexual behaviour? Well (at least in our case) nothing could be further from the truth.

We spend most of our lives just getting on with daily living. We spend no more time engaged in sexual activity than most mono couples. Admittedly there is a little more of a competitive nature to sex in a three way relationship but that only serves to maintain more interest. Sex is not the 'be all and end all' of any relationship. It is an important but minor thing in the overall picture. To be honest if I was given the choice of having a deeply loving relationship with nothing more than cuddles and kissses and no sex at all or a relationship with all sex and no love then I would most certainly opt for the former. I can easily live without sex but I could not exist without love.

 

Across the various different poly sites in the past few months, I
have been seeing more and more posts about swinging vs. polyamory. 
Mostly, it is people in pure-poly relationships complaining that
people who primarily have a swinging lifestyle are using the term
'poly' when they aren't really.

This is a fair and valid point.  It seems that now swinging
is more accepted than it used to be and certain members of the
swinging community liked the idea of being part of something
'underground' and generally not accepted by the mainstream. 
Thus, they started calling themselves 'polyamorists' when all they
really want is sexual relationships with no meaningful bond between
partners.

But where does that leave people in a true open relationship like
ours?  Yes, we are allowed to find other partners to share the
rest of our lives with (i.e. polyamory).  But we are also
allowed to find casual sexual relationships where there is lasting
emotional bond between the partners and where we can all join in
(i.e. swingers).  Are we thus swingers?  Polyamorists? 
Fruit cakes?  Are we all three? 

Can we call ourselves poly without being frowned upon by the
purists?  Are the purists right in saying that polyamory can
only include relationships where there is a love between long-term
partners?  Surely they have to agree that there are many types
of love, including sexual.  Isn't swinging just a way of sharing
this sexual love?  Therefore, swinging is a form of polyamory.

I think the problem with Polyamory is that the definition is too
broad.  The English language only has one word to define love. 
But there are so many types of love.  Love between parents and
children.  Love between siblings.  Love between friends
(not sexual/intimate in any way).  Love between partners. 
I could go on.  So, Polyamory is 'many loves'.  But what
loves?  It could be argued  that all families are
polyamorists.  A father loves his wife, children and parents. 
Therefore, many loves, therefore polyamory.  But this isn't what
polyamory is.  It's about romantic attachments between
consenting partners. 

It also doesn't help that there are so many different
organisations and groups all claiming to be the main poly group. 
Each has it's own symbol (I've come across at least 10 symbols so
far) and definitions of what polyamory is.  Being so open and
trying to include as many types of people as possible is great, but
is also what's holding things back.  With the gay community,
there are well defined sub-groups.  Bi, Trans, Straight, Pan. 
With polyamory it's almost on a per-relationship basis.  We
allow anything  The next couple will only allow sexual
relationships within the group.  The next will allow sexual
relationships with anybody but no serious relationships outside the
group.

I'm proud to be a part of this polyamory movement.  I don't
hold the belief that is forced upon us by religion or popular
culture.  So long as no one gets hurt and I can share my love
with multiple partners, why shouldn't I.

Enough for now.  I hope this will elicit some discussion.

Shadow